Now i understand what she said about my friends caring more. it has always been my friends who stayed beside me in my saddest moments, they were the ones who made sure i got home safe, the ones who made sure i was okay not you. your chivalrous acts were limited up to a certain point. now you remain idle and unmoved.
as days pass by i slowly realize what i should have realized before. once a person’s gone, they’ll never go back. so i should stop hopelessly searching for the past to happen again. one thing can never happen twice and my situation is no exception to that rule.
I’m done accepting. now i have to endure the torture of letting go of what keeps me tied to my past. my teacher once said “it’s never wrong to look at the past because we learn from it. but it’s wrong and tragic to keep living in the past.” and yes, it has been one tragic year and I’m disappointed at myself for starting the new year the same way. the very one thing i promised I’d never do.
the past reminds me of my mistakes. the present tells me I’m still alive. the future will give me hope, it’s what will push me forward. like what a wise dramatist once said….
And tomorrow only a vision
But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
so i guess there’s still Hope to hold on to and that makes a huge difference.
- June 8
- , 2010
